I was walking through the store with my daughter at the beginning of her 7th-grade year when we ran into one of her friends she hadn’t seen since spring. I expected an excited greeting, followed by a flurry of summer stories, but instead, they exchanged only a slight wave and half-smile—just enough to acknowledge each other but not enough to truly engage.
Naturally, I asked my daughter if they were still friends. She shrugged and said, “Yeah, she’s really nice, but I don’t really know her anymore.” Her response caught me off guard. Later, I brought it up with her older sister, who matter-of-factly confirmed, “If you don’t talk over the summer, the friendship doesn’t automatically renew when school starts again.”
I suppose it makes sense, but it still felt strange. I initially felt guilty for not fostering those friendships more over the summer. But then I realized that she had stayed in touch with some friends and made plans with them. Maybe it wasn’t neglect—just the natural progression of a tween finding her group.
This shifting of friendships can be puzzling, and sometimes it’s hard on parents, too—especially when we’ve become friends with the other child’s mom. I’ve been in that situation. Fortunately, we recognized that our daughters were simply growing in different directions, and it didn’t mean our own friendship had to end.
If you’re navigating similar changes, this month’s feature, Expert Advice About Changing Friendships During the Teen Years by Cheryl Maguire, offers helpful insight into this common but often confusing phase.
Of course, friendships aren’t the only relationships that change over time. Sibling dynamics have their own ups and downs. Like my brothers and me, my daughters have had times when they were inseparable and times when you’d think a WWE title was on the line—over something as small as a favorite sweatshirt. My oldest once described someone by saying, “You can tell she doesn’t have a sibling. She doesn’t know what it’s like to have a sister you fight with, to the point of yelling, then sit down five minutes later and laugh while watching a movie together.”
Siblings share a complicated dynamic, and as parents, we strive to ensure each child feels equally valued and loved. In my family, my girls’ different interests helped avoid major comparisons, but I know that’s not the case for everyone. If your family is struggling with sibling rivalry, check out Reducing Sibling Rivalry: What to Do and Say by Dr. Tanni Haas for expert guidance on keeping the peace.
If you’re looking for ways to foster friendships over the summer—or to help your child find their thing—flip over to our expanded Summer Camp Directory. Whether your child loves sports, STEM, or the arts, we’ve gathered a huge selection of local and sleepaway camps to help them explore their passions and build new connections.
And don’t forget to check out our Family Calendar for all the fun spring activities coming up. Wishing you all a safe and joyful Spring Break!
Author: Lynn Knighton
Lynn has called the Gulf area home since 2006 with her husband Brad and their 3 daughters. Following the sale of her Abrakadoodle franchise, Lynn still wanted to serve families and help them thrive. Becoming the Publisher of Greater Pensacola Parents was the perfect opportunity. Now she invests into family's lives each month by providing the area's #1 go-to resource for moms and dads.
