The summer of 1983 looked a bit like this for my brother and me. Wake up at 7. Eat breakfast. Do our household chores. And then we were promptly kicked outside to play. We were not allowed back inside until lunch. I was 10. He was 9. We lived on 40 acres, which included a barn, 60 cows, three horses, chickens, a few dogs, and a cat. For hours every summer, we explored all 40 acres, which also had snakes, mean bulls, hornet nests, a possessed rooster, spiders, ditches, a 50-foot deep pond, very tall trees, poison ivy, poison oak, and the random fox or two. We were never told to stay away from these “dangers”. We explored. We learned. We got cut and bit and sometimes broken. We came home with skinned knees and dirty feet and have a few scars that make for really great stories. Like climbing to the top of the hay in the barn that was truly two stories stacked to steal a few chicken eggs, only to find a chicken snake had beat us to it, causing immediate panic and subsequent crash of the hay bales. For me, I learned to look for eggs a little lower. I also learned that chicken snakes are mostly harmless and really only want chickens.
What we didn’t have was a parent watching us. I look back at things I did at a very early age and wonder if I would have allowed my kids at that age to do the same. I am not sure. Things shifted in the 90s. Stranger Danger, while an important discussion, almost became a hyper-fixation, and parents began bringing their kids indoors. We had Nintendo and games in the 90s, but the games were played with friends and not the world. So while kids were spending more time inside, they were still connecting with one another on some level.
By the 2000s, more complex devices and social media had entered our lives. More kids were being brought indoors over fear of what they would be exposed to if left alone outside. And we see a shift. Kids begin to play games physically alone but online with the world. Hours and hours were spent behind a screen without real-world challenges. These are challenges that we, as humans, need to grow.
So, we have seen a shift in the childhood experience. As Jonathan Haidt discussed in his book Anxious Generation, it has become a phone-based childhood instead of a play-based childhood, which is integral to childhood, tween, and teen development.
As our fear of who or what may hurt our kids outdoors, ironically the place they are at the most risk is online. This is where predators are accessing our children. This is where they are having their childhood ripped from them and throwing them into an adult space. As parents, we brought them indoors to protect them. But are we protecting them?
My grandfather told me a story before he passed away at 93 that I will never forget. One summer his parents left. He is unsure why they did not take him with them. He remembers being told they would return and would only be gone a couple of weeks. He was an only child. They lived in the country on a farm with access to hundreds of acres of woods.
For that week or a few weeks, my grandfather took care of himself. He caught squirrels, skinned them, cooked them, and ate them. He also caught fish to eat and took care of his chores.
I loved listening to him tell the story because he smiled the entire time. He said it was wonderful! He was able to explore. He said it felt free. He was only seven years old. He and my grandmother were two of the most resilient people I know, with beautiful stories of a free childhood.
Of course, I’m not advocating leaving your seven-year-old for a week, as things are pretty different now. But what I do think we can do is helicopter a bit less. Get our kids outside. Let them get dirty, skin some knees and make some scars. So one day they can tell their grandchildren about their amazing childhood and even have a few scars as receipts.
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
Author: Kristi Bush
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
